WA Over 45's - 2015 Match Reports

WA vs TAS - Saturday, September 26, 2015

A 5.15pm start and a brief shower gave a slightly more comfortable entrée to the 45s competition for the Black and Gold in sticky Cairns.

The game plan was to avoid conceding early from the normally fast-starting Tasmania.

WA controlled the ball well in the early stages, with a clear chance going the way of Anton (Whitey) Brown from a clever deflection, only to be stopped by a fine save from the Tasmanian keeper. 

WA didn’t have to wait long for the breakthrough, with Alan (Suck) Dick latching on to a succession of passes, then cutting to the right and calmly slotting across the line of the keeper low to the far post. 

Despite several clear opportunities, with Brad (Wedge) Potter in particular forgetting the hockey law of keeping your stick on the ground following a slick pass from Whitey, there would be no more goals in the first half. 

The team started strongly in the second half, sensing an opportunity to go in for the kill. Wayne (Goose) Grimes took on a player in WA’s defensive half, broke the line and after laying off to the right wing, continued his run, receiving the ball on the baseline. 

From there a simple layoff to the penalty spot allowed Wedge to atone for his earlier blemish (read ‘sitter’) and convert for our second goal. 

As fatigue started to play its part, some of the boys decided to lay their bodies on the line rather than their sticks. Peter (Huddo) Hudson’s poke tackle was met by a wayward Tassie tomma, while Scott (Grinder) Macdonald found himself inside the stopping zone of an enthusiastic two-headed monster. 

Several ordinary tackles in our defensive 25 allowed Tasmania to get a well worked goal from the right wing down the baseline, leading to an anxious 10-minute period to end the game. 

Thankfully WA regained their composure and set about putting the game beyond doubt, resulting in a short corner on the siren. Having ample time to plan, WA selected their 15-touch corner variation, which resulted in the ball ballooning to the right post and being passed square behind the keeper. At this point Pottsy’s pro tennis credentials helped him jink the ball on his ‘backhand’, and after several more touches and swings, a thoroughly deserved penalty stroke was awarded. 

Mr Cool, Suck calmly slotted the ball halfway between the keeper and the post to complete his brace and earn WA a 3-1 victory in the opening game. 

Result: WA 3 - TAS 1 

WA vs VIC - Sunday, September 27, 2015

The Cairns paparazzi were out in force for the highly anticipated second appearance of the glamour squad from Perth. Not only did Goose and Whitey make page 9 of the Post, but Mark (Clarrie) Lyons and Matt (Kegs) Needham featured prominently at the back of the book in the sport section.

Perhaps the close to hysterical media attention was too much. After sticking carefully to the game plan and preventing Tasmania from an early break, the Black and Gold threw it all out the window against Victoria, who had one in the back of the net within 35 seconds. 

The shell-shocked Sandgropers barely had time to gain their composure with relentless pressure from the Vics but still managed to thwart their attacks and gradually ease into the game. 

Eventually some sustained WA pressure saw Clarrie beat two Victorians with a slick double pirouette, to then pass the ball to an overlapping Steve (Hicksy) Hicks, who calmly slotted the ball between the goalie’s legs from the top of the D. 

A short corner opportunity saw Grinder step up to the plate and his carefully crafted variation to find the right post instead caught a Victorian foot, which deftly slotted the ball between the keeper’s legs. We were back in business with four minutes remaining in the half and things were looking good. 

Unfortunately no one told the Vics and a messy passage of play down the left side led to an equaliser with 40 seconds on the clock. 

The Victorians picked up the tempo in the second half and were camped in WA’s defensive zone for long periods, which gave them ample opportunity to practise short corners. Kegs found a lot of the ball and was rewarded by the Vics naming him best player. 

Finally one of the shorts found the back of the net after the first hit broke down. The 2-3 score line suddenly fired WA into action, in particular Whitey, who had an early contender for goal of the tournament with his breakaway down the left flank. He beat a full-back with pace before getting the better of the keeper in a one on one to find the top of the far net, the ball looping higher than a Cairns hippy in a kombi. WA awarded him their player of the game for his theatrics. 

Again Victoria responded from a messy passage of play with five minutes to go. This time there would be no late heroics and WA had to settle for a brave 3-4 loss. 

In the aftermath, the ‘Harden the Fire Truck Up Bag’ changed hands yet again. First worn with much aplomb by Cam (Timber) Robinson, he had passed the treasured adornment to tall, elegant Huddo, who couldn’t get rid of it quick enough. 

Hicksy, on the other hand, couldn’t get enough of the bag once it was put his way, particularly when he discovered the platinum blonde wig inside. It added significant amounts of hair to his nude nut and appeared to take years off his appearance; he was virtually glowing. 

Hopefully the effect can rub off on his teammates for the remainder of the tournament. 

Result: WA 3 - VIC 4 

WA vs NSW - Monday, September 28, 2015

After a tough encounter against Victoria, WA knew exactly what to expect against last year’s runners up NSW. Bodies were beginning to tire as we started our third game in as many days, with the queue for the physio bench almost stretching out the door. Luckily none of the injuries are serious, so we still have our full complement of players, but 90% fit seems to be a common phrase. 

The game started fast, with NSW being given lots of room to play the ball around in their deep defence as the Black and Gold held the half court press well. Andreas (Sleepy) Manopas became the second player to receive a green card, following Drew (Hoody) Loxley’s green against Victoria the previous day. According to the umpire, Sleepy, our resident anaesthetist, appeared to attempt surgery with his stick; Sleepy insists he got to the ball first. 

The rest of the half played out evenly until a shot from deep on the right from NSW took an unfortunate deflection off a WA stick and snuck inside the far post. At about this time Peter (Sugar Daddy) Hudson felt a twinge in his rather suspect hamstring and almost had to be physically restrained by WA’s diminutive manager Paula (Wife of Suck) Dick, to prevent him from running off to find the physio! This man’s hamstrings would keep an army of muscle manipulators in gainful employment. WA went into the break 0-1 down, but felt they were still well in the game. 

The second half started in the same manner as the first, with NSW being content to pass the ball around in their deep defence, looking for a gap in the WA line. Midway through the second half NSW earnt a short corner, and from the layoff the drag flick took a deflection off the WA runner and beat the WA keeper in the air. Hoody continued his good work in the second half, showing deft skills as WA pressed for the goal that would get them back into the game. He was to be rewarded for his efforts by being awarded WA’s player of the match. As WA tried to press, NSW launched another attack. Somehow Cam (Timber) Robinson managed to clear the ball straight to a NSW player, who passed the ball to the spot, where a well-timed squeeze shot beat Timber past his shoulder. NSW then began a series of time-wasting shenanigans to milk the clock – as the match clock appears to stop for no man. 

The game finished 0-3 to NSW, with WA knowing they will require a better effort at the business end of the tournament. The post-game presentation resulted in Scott (Grinder) Macdonald being presented with NSW’s award for WA’s player of the match. Attention then turned to the highly coveted Harden the Fire Truck Up bag, with Steve (Hicksy) Hicks awarding it to Mark (Clarrie) Lyons for listening to the physio that heels will help his sore calves. 

Result: WA 0 - NSW 3 

WA vs WAC - Wednesday, September 30, 2015

The Western Derby is always a hard-fought encounter and this one was no different, with the Country boys growing an extra leg, extra yard and sharper sticks for the game. The Black and Gold went with the full-court press to keep the ball in Country’s half and managed the kind of dominance of our opposition that Huddo has mastered of the physio table in the WA tent. But just like Huddo, they found 90 per cent doesn’t always get you over the line. Innumerable short corners got no reward in the first half, with coach Grinder perhaps having the best chance with a flick that was cleared, while Whitey also had a sharp chance saved from general play and Clarrie drawing an excellent save on the line from a short corner variation.

At the back, pest controller John (Hi-5) Baker was, well, controlling the pests and IT guy Glenn (Kate-it’s a long story) Kirkaldy was similarly programmed to repel whatever forward thrusts the Country mob could muster. It was still 0-0 at the break in our mid-morning encounter. 

Starting the second half, it felt like a matter of time before WA might open the flood gates in this inundation-prone region of the country and eventually it was the ever reliable Suck who smashed from the right on a short corner, for Whitey to forage the ball over the line. 

There was plenty of time on the clock and a similar amount of opportunities continued to fall WA’s way but Country were managing to hang in by the well-leathered skin of their teeth. 

After a couple of Country counterattacks snuck through, it was a fairly innocuous ball that caught under keeper Timber’s foot and was sharked into the net with a neat finish. 

Like table-top dancers at Cairns’ famed Wool Shed, WA tried every move imaginable to impress the crowd and force a result but it was not to be as they settled for a single point against their country cousins. 

In the beer-free (apparently the sun was not over the yard arm) post-game presentations, Whitey was awarded WA’s best player by WAC under somewhat dubious selection criteria of “you once played for us”, while Kegs continued his strong showing by taking out WA’s BoG. 

The Chick-pulling handbag award descended into a farce, with Clarrie getting stage-fright and forgetting who he wanted to award the bag to (perhaps not the first person in the history of civilisation to have a mental blank with a handbag slung over his/her shoulder). In true Melville Hockey Club mateship style, Wedge offered a few words of advice to Clarrie and was duly rewarded for his stupidity. General consensus around the fashion-conscious Trinity Beach enclave is that Wedge, a flamboyant John Michael ‘Hollywood’ Howson character with a penchant for the exotic, seems the most comfortable with his fashion accessory. He is currently making numerous phone calls on a campaign to revitalise the bag for the 21st century man about town. 

Next game is against the hosts, Queensland, and WA will need to lift to give themselves a launch towards a strong finals campaign. 

Result: WA 1 - WAC 1 

WA vs QLD - Thursday, October 1, 2015

There were various scenarios for this game but the simplest one was win to guarantee a spot in the four. 

WA started positively, using a full-court press to keep the pressure on the Maroons, a team that much prefers lots of time on the ball and physically imposing themselves on the opposition. 

Sleepy had to get back to Perth for his day job, so Hi-5 and Kate were installed as full backs for the entire match. The extra time on the ball helped both get in some decent touch, with Kate eventually earning WA’s player of the day (doubling that up later with the Handbag award for off-field indiscretions) and Hi-5 being rewarded with Queensland’s nomination. 

Hicksy was dominant at right half and Kegs in fine fettle at left, as we continued to move the ball around. But as has been the norm for the last couple of games, pressure was not being expressed on the scoreboard. 

So it was that a counterattack from a WA turnover found a Queensland striker alone at the top of the circle, who slapped the ball in neatly to Timber’s right backboard. 

With the half coming to a conclusion on the hottest day yet, Hicksy got himself in a tangle in front of goal and helped the League club to their second. 

The message was clear from Suck at half time. The switch was on but the ball was just not being moved around the park and opportunities were going begging. Let alone the waste of energy as WA attacks were repelled time after time before coming to anything. 

To their credit, the 45s took the message on board. The ball started at least finding trajectories to the front and there were chances galore. Indeed, had a few decisions gone WA’s way, the goals would have flowed. But the umpires couldn’t even get the bleedingly obvious right. A clear deflection from Martin (Marto) Turner across the goal face was declared a long corner. Even the player’s owning up to the mistake did not sway the umpire. As Marto explained to his Queensland counterparts, he couldn’t risk a card arguing with the umps for too long over a decision in his favour. 

Wedge was lively around the circle and almost got some meat on the ball to Marto in front of goal. Suck was carving up, darting in and out, as well as practically breaking the foot of an opponent who played no further part in the game/tournament. Goose was also conducting useful aerial raids around the circle. 

But there was little to no reward for the heroics; indeed, WA didn’t earn a single penalty corner for the entire match, to Queensland’s similarly parsimonious one. 

The situation reached farcical heights when another Suck incursion set up Pottsy at the top of the circle, who smashed the ball straight into a foot. Neither the umpire a few metres away nor the one who looked in good position on the opposite sideline got a look at it. 

At the back, Hi-5 copped a follow through from a French stick that hit him squarely in the bread box; it was hardly a Baker’s Delight and the game was held up while he regained his composure and procreation potential. 

All in all, this was a frustrating encounter. WA needed to show they were ready for what would come next and while the second half was positive, the lack of scoreboard pressure was disappointing. 

Still, with improved movement around the park, there was the potential for a big improvement in the next game. That was determined later in the evening when Victoria accounted for Tasmania. That left the Sandgropers in fourth place to face the Vics on the same day as another big east-west clash. 

Sleepy’s knee problems meant he couldn’t risk the flight back across the country, so WA would be heading into the semi-final with a similar structure at the back. A turnaround in the result of the first tight match against Vic would mean WA playing in the grand final to defend their title. Bring it on. 

Result: WA 0 - QLD 2 

Semi-Final WA vs VIC - Saturday, October 3, 2015

After a tight match in the qualifying rounds, WA fancied their chances to slip into the grand final. 

The plan was for a full press with High-5 bombing overthrows to put the defence on their guard. 

While the strong, silent WA full-back did his job and tried his heart out all day, WA just couldn’t get that all-important opening goal to apply the pressure on the Vics. 

Timber was at his sharpest for the whole tournament between the posts but with a heap of pressure applied from a sharp opposition forward line, there was only so much the goalie could do to stem the tide. 

WA went into the break two goals down, knowing a draw wouldn’t be enough; the Black and Gold had to score three to win. 

More early goals meant a big task was starting to resemble the mountainous ranges in picturesque Cairns. 

Clarrie was playing his heart out and many of the tournament’s big contributors like Drew, Scott and Suck came to the fore, determined to go for glory or go down fighting. 

A goal eventually came for WA when Wedge gathered the ball on the right of the circle in an episode that had prequels and sequels among various plot twists. The keeper was well out, a shot was saved and still Wedge somehow had the ball. This time the ball was in a strange little arc and again Wedge’s tennis skills won out, with a sweet though admittedly slow backhand drive wheezing its way across the goalmouth. Who else but Atomic was there for an easy tap-in to put the whole of Cairns and possibly much of Queensland out of their misery. 

Throwing everything forward, with even Kate getting himself well up-field, further goals were leaked in a hefty loss. Despite the pain, the WA boys at least had the consolation of helping Victoria spend all their scoring prowess. The Vics went down to the Maroons 2-0 in the grand final for the national title to the home State. 

Result: WA 1 - VIC 6