WA Over 45's - 2010 Match Reports

WA vs WAC2 - Monday, September 27, 2010 at Bunbury

Some of the lads weren’t too happy with the 5.45am wake-up call, which was necessary to allow for the long drive to Bunbury from the wrong side of Busselton. Colin “Disco” Tyler hadn’t seen that hour of the morning since his days of picking up a kebab from Fast Eddy’s on his way home from The Underground, The Red Parrot or Gobbles. 

Team mastermind Matthew “Bol” Jones mumbled something about remembering the structure, but Steve “Scoop” Ayris was still trying to figure out the colour-coded rotation chart issued the night before. Fortunately, Paula Dick, on loan from the 40s, was running the bench, and she used her Masters Degree in Tupperware to get eleven players on the field by the opening whistle of the tournament. 

WA Country No. 2 found the early start even more challenging, with a couple of players from Collie coming straight from a shift down a mine. Their drowsiness allowed Darran “Wildman” Wilson to get on the end of a hopeful through ball after just 65 seconds of combat. He followed up with his second goal at the eight minute mark, ably assisted by a slick pass from debutante Brian “The Big Sax” Saxby. Sax went on to dominate the midfield and was justly named by the team as our man of the match. 

A steady stream of opportunities led to three further goals in the opening half. Bede “Rhino” Rogers and Andy “Major Tom” Starling tapped in from close quarters, while Noel “Chunky” Morrison made no mistake from the penalty spot after a cracking strike from Michael “Splinter” Bilney smashed a defender’s foot on the line. 

After a half-time snooze, play recommenced at a leisurely pace. The country team applied minimal mid-field pressure, but defended stoutly, resulting in Splinter, Ian “Budgie” Swain and Scoop meandering out of defence, causing the game to be played entirely in our attacking half. 

Numerous short corners provided the battery with the chance to perfect several variations. The final fifteen minutes saw Russell “Kaiser” Rieck thrash a rebound in to the net, Splinter nail one inside the post, and Chunky deflect his second. In between, Major Tom managed to slip the defence and beat the keeper for a double on debut. 

An impressive score-line, no injuries, and beer at 9.45am – it was a good day. 

Result: WA 9 – WAC2 0 
Goal scorers: D. Wilson 2, A. Starling 2, N. Morrison 2, R. Rieck 1, M. Bilney 1, B. Rogers 1 
Best player as nominated by WA : B. Saxby 
Best player as nominated by WAC2: Colin Tyler

WA vs VIC - Tuesday, September 28, 2010 at Bunbury

In perfect, sunny conditions we started in promising fashion with the midfield pressing high and the strikers receiving the ball in dangerous positions. Bol Jones and the Big Sax had the better of their opposing inners, while Chunky Morrison lurked menacingly around the penalty spot. Unlike the previous day, however, the strikers were not on song, squandering a myriad of chances from close range. 

Disappointingly, it took more than ten minutes of complete domination before we troubled the scoreboard, and even then it took a half-back to show the forwards how to finish when the defence was well and truly beaten. Embarrassingly, it was centre-half Disco Col who flicked in from near the spot after Wildman Wilson had drawn the fullbacks and the keeper, for the umpteenth time, to the baseline. 

With Paul “X-Factor” Cartwright making incisive runs at right wing and Ashley “Nanna” Knapp providing an impassable barrier at right-half, we continued to manufacture goal-front opportunities – but the shots were sprayed wide or the ball was handed over benignly to the Victorian backs. We had to wait until Splinter Bilney crashed his second short corner goal of the tournament before our efforts received further reward. 

We were called on to do more defending in the second half, with left-half Stuart “Deek” Amphlett emerging as the side’s man of the match, and even custodian Rob “Chucky” Baker having to make his first save in two games. 

As the warm conditions intensified the quality of play fell away, apart from one delicious goal involving a series of passes between Bol and Major Tom Starling down the right. Wildman received the last pass with glee, finally putting the strikers on the score-sheet. 



Result: WA 3 – VIC 0 
Goal scorers: C. Tyler, M. Bilney, D. Wilson 
Best player as nominated by WA: S. Amphlett 
Best player as nominated by VIC: Colin Tyler

WA vs NT - Wednesday, September 29, 2010 at Busselton

The plan to carbo load at the Dunsborough Bakery in the morning paid dividends in the afternoon as we began with a burst of energy and proceeded to run the Northern Territorians ragged. Kaiser Rieck set the standard immediately, laying a trademark strong tackle at inside left and charging forward. 

The ball remained bottled in our attacking half for most of the match with the half line and full-backs having to do little more than mop up loose clearances and get underneath the 60 metre overheads being thrown in desperation by a hobbling NT full-back. Our comical six metre overheads actually proved more effective as the half-backs and inners were able to run back towards our full-backs and keep the ball in our possession. 

In the first half, Chunky Morrison opened our account from the penalty spot, following a crafty chip shot from Paul “Aussie Idol” Cartwright. Idol’s shot had been blocked on the goal line by the chest of a brave defender. Chunky scored again minutes later with a brilliant first time swat from near the baseline. Our third before the break was a short corner strike from the increasingly reliable Splinter Bilney. 

Today’s half time spray was less about the hockey and more about the impromptu re-interpretations of Bol Jones’ colour-coded rotation chart. It continued to befuddle the colour blind, illiterate and numerically challenged team members who were bouncing up and down on the bench like meerkats having anxiety attacks. “Billy Elliot” Saxby blamed Nanna Knapp, who claimed he was merely attempting to get the rotations back on track after Wildman Wilson had caused confusion by suggesting someone was holding the chart upside down. 

Meanwhile, goalkeeper Chucky Baker scratched his backside and wondered what all the fuss was about. Little did he know that he was about to have his busiest half to date: he was forced to make a save at a short corner and then kicked the ball straight to the attackers so they could have another go. 

We survived the sole defensive corner, regrouping to move the ball at will across the field and create opportunities for the strikers. However, it was full-back Splinter who scored twice more from corners and earned another stroke by cannoning a shot into the feet of a hapless full-back. Chunky made no mistake, sending the keeper the wrong way to secure his hat-trick, too. 

Most players contributed something useful today, although Billy and Bol limped off the field with worrying strains, while Steve “Peggy” Ayris and Ian “Sue” Swain did their best work on vocals during the drive back to base after the match. 

Result: WA 6 – NT 0 
Goal scorers: M. Bilney 3, N. Morrison 3 
Best player as nominated by WA: M. Bilney 
Best player as nominated by NT: M. Jones

WA vs NSW2 - Friday, October 1, 2010 at Bunbury No. 2

Nominated to captain the side for the day, Ashley “Nanna” Knapp rose to the occasion to produce a best-on-ground performance. Playing at right-half, Nanna repeatedly dispossessed the opposition and then left them floundering in his wake. His distribution was also superb, feeding the inners, wingers and centre-half to set up the team’s most dangerous attacks, while finding both full-backs with outlet passes when play needed to be switched to the other flank. 

Chunky Morrison continued his good form up forward, pinching a goal with a reverse stick swipe after the goalie had taken out his legs, and setting up another with a wristy flick that was rebounded into the net by an ecstatic Bruce “Squizzy” Taylor. 

Our other goals came from short corners. Deek Amphlett ripped a classic drag flick through two stunned defenders in the first half, while Splinter Bilney claimed a goal in the second half after the goalie made the initial save but then knocked the ball backwards with his elbow in trying to clear it. 

This match was our toughest to date, with Chucky Baker being required to fall over a handful of times to block the net and several players copping unnecessary whacks off the ball. However, this was also the last of our tussles with second division teams, and the real fun will begin tomorrow when we take on the undefeated Croweaters. 

Result: WA 4 – NSW2 0 
Goal scorers: S. Amphlett 1, N. Morrison 1, B. Taylor 1, M. Bilney 1 
Best player as nominated by NSW2: A Knapp 
Best player as nominated by WA : A Knapp

WA vs SA - Saturday, October 2, 2010 at Bunbury No. 1

Part One

Through the agreement of those keen to view the AFL Grand Final Replay, the match was reduced to two 30 minute halves. SA were also undefeated, so top spot in our pool was up for grabs. 

We began aggressively, dispossessing their midfielders and setting up attacks. Bol Jones was almost too effective, attracting the unwanted advances of an opponent who craved intimate physical contact. After several clumsy courtship manoeuvres from the South Aussie, Bol finally made his feelings clear, forcing the umpire to intervene and provide counselling. 

Meanwhile, Kaiser Rieck lifted the tempo at inside-right. He found Major Tom Starling who leant back and rocketed a shot spectacularly into the top of the net. Our press continued and it wasn’t long before Chunky Morrison put us further in front with a neat finish from close range. 

Unfortunately, the Kaiser stumbled off with a dodgy hamstring, disrupting the rotations and allowing SA to find some space to manufacture their own forays forward. However, Choirboy Cartwright, at left-half, combined with Peggy Ayris at full-back to protect the 2-0 score-line. 

The second half began with both teams breaking frenetically. However, there was soon to be a considerable lull in play. Wildman Wilson latched onto a loose ball just inside the scoring zone. He murdered the ball, but it deflected rapidly at right angles off a lunging defender...

Part Two

Voice in the distance: Oh god, that’s not good. Don’t move him. 

Voice of someone closer: Let Bede look. 

Bede: Can you move your jaw this way? [Yank, yank] Oh no, I’ve got his blood on me. 

New voice: There’s blood coming out of his ear! 

Phil the medico: It’s okay. It’s the blood dripping down his face from his mouth. 

Voice suspiciously like Bol: Tell him to take a teaspoon of cement and harden up. 

Voice of umpire: It’s a sixteen. 

Presumably the voice of a WA player: [Incredulously] What?!? 

Mumble from prostrate Disco, starting to contemplate whether or not he’d need a straw for his next meal: It’s a [expletive removed] short corner. They deflected it. I saw that much. 

Thus the report ends, unless you want to hear about how I got to the change-rooms and all the people who came to check on my welfare. Miraculously, my teeth are all intact and my jaw is merely cut and bruised. Apparently, we won 3-1, while Collingwood defeated the Saints in the other big match of the day. 

Result: WA 3 – SA 1 
Goal scorers: A. Starling 1, N. Morrison 1, B. Taylor 1 
Best player as nominated by SA: S. Ayris

WA vs NSW - Sunday, October 3, 2010 at Bunbury

Today was the chance for us to assess whether we had the potential to go all the way. Like us, NSW were the clear winners of their pool. They looked confident and slick. 

Despite missing a couple of injured midfielders, we didn’t hold back. Led superbly by Bol Jones and Squizzy Taylor, we dominated the opening 15 minutes and should have scored at least twice. Chunky Morrison had the keeper beaten, but delayed his shot for an instant, allowing the defence to close in. Major Tom Starling almost deflected in from an unplanned corner variation, too. 

NSW eventually found their rhythm, putting pressure on our backs. Peggy Ayris, Sue Swain and Splinter Bilney combined to repel the best NSW could muster, but unluckily conceded a solitary corner. Unfortunately, it was the only clear scoring opportunity NSW had all game – and they managed to deflect the ball over Chucky Baker, who had gone down early. 

We re-grouped at half-time and came out firing. Bol dominated, running himself into the ground, and bringing Rhino Rogers into the play. Again, we appeared the more likely to score, even when down a player due to the temporary exit of Peggy. A NSW player stumbled and fell over his own feet after losing control of the ball, but because Peggy was the nearest defender he was blamed and shown a yellow card. To his credit, Peggy didn’t complain, probably because he needed the breather. 

With Wildman Wilson soldiering on after breaking his thumb, and several players on stumps instead of legs, we found Squizzy on the right. He burst through and smacked a magnificent cross which hit the extended stick of Bol just outside the far post. However, it was not to be our day and the deflection went millimetres wide. 

Given time to recover from our wounds, and with a couple more players available to rotate through the midfield, we look forward to a re-match, hopefully in the final. 

Result: WA 0 – NSW 1 
Best player as nominated by NSW: M. Jones 
Best player as nominated by WA : M. Jones

WA vs WAC - Monday, October 4, 2010 at Bunbury

When we checked with the organisers at 6pm on Sunday night we were told our next game was on Wednesday. Four of our squad immediately returned to Perth to earn money to pay for their recent medicinal purchases. On Monday morning two disappeared for a therapeutic surf, and another group was getting ready to think about arising from bed in time for a pre-lunch nap. All were grateful for the opportunity to recuperate after six games in seven days. 

At 10am, our manager/goalkeeper, Chucky Baker, at work in Perth, received a phone call advising him that a new fixture had been added: we were to play WA Country at 5pm in Bunbury. The phones ran red hot. We were incredulous. It appeared to us that it was unconstitutional to play four days in a row. Our reply from those who understood the most torturous way to destroy the bodies of 45 to 50 year olds was that other teams would have to play four days in a row, too. Squizzy, already on his tenth coffee and sixth Red Bull for the morning, was beside himself in numerous locations at once and ended up washing the same set of uniforms from someone else’s room three times. 

Somehow, we managed to scramble together ten relatively fit players and several cripples who thought they could manage half a game between them if we kept them out of the play. We also managed to convince Peter “Pebo” Bowen to scoot down from Perth as an additional midfielder. We just didn’t tell him the one day would cost him the $1300 the rest of the team paid for the two weeks. 

The game commenced at 5pm, both teams still grumbling. Those who could run did ... sort of ... and those who couldn’t stood in a zone and waited for the play to come to them. Those who were waiting to be officially pronounced dead sat on the bench. 

Pebo proved a blessing and a curse. He set up Chunky Morrison with two goals and wiped out Major Tom when he wrenched an opponent’s stick out of his hands and sent it hurtling like a scythe. Major Tom still had a successful day, though, as he tapped in a goal from a chain of passes during a short corner, and the dental floss holding his knee brace together continued to do the job. 

The defence did the business when everyone else stopped running, with Peggy and Sue’s great work restricting Chucky Baker to a single spectacular save when the ball was already three metres wide. 

A rest day tomorrow? We think so, but who really knows? 

Result: WA 3 – WAC 0 
Goal scorers: N. Morrison (2), A. Starling 
Best player as nominated by WAC: C. Tyler 
Best player as nominated by WA : C. Tyler

WA vs xxx - Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Result: WA ? – xxx ? 
Goal scorer:  
Best player as nominated by xxx: 

WA vs xxx - Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Result: WA ? – xxx ? 
Goal scorer:  
Best player as nominated by xxx: 

Semi-Final: WA vs xxx - Friday, October 8, 2010

Result: WA ? – xxx ? 
Goal scorer:  
Best player as nominated by xxx: 

Final: WA vs xxx - Saturday, October 9, 2010

Result: WA ? – xxx ? 
Goal scorer:  
Best player as nominated by xxx: